The Lay Of Thrym
by The Other Jet Engine
Summary: A little something I came up right after hearing Jane Foster is the new Thor, based on my favorite tale from the Norse mythology.


Thor awoke with a start. Her hammer, the mighty Mjolnir, was missing. She yelled, "My hammer has been stolen! No one in heaven or on earth can know what a loss this is for me!"

Forthwith she rushed to Freya's shining halls.

"Freya," said Thor, "will you lend me your feathered coat to help me seek my hammer?"

Freya said, "I would lend it to you even if it were made of gold or silver."

Then some random person put on the feathered coat and, leaving Asgard, winged his way to Jotunheim, the world of giants.

Thrym, the lord of giants, sat upon a mound, smoothing his horses' manes and twisting golden halters for his hounds. He said, "How are the Aesir? How are the elves? Why have you come to Jotunheim?"

That random person said, "It is ill with the Aesir; it is ill with the elves. Tell me, have you hidden the Thunderer's hammer?"

Thrym said, "Yes, I have hidden Thor's hammer eight leagues deep in the earth. No one can win it back from me, unless she brings to me fair Freya as a bride."

The random person flew away, the feathered coat rustling. He left behind the world of giants and winged his way back to the world of the gods.

Thor met him there in the middle court. She said, "Were your labors successful? Tell me the tidings before you land. Sitting causes one to forget, and lying causes one to lie."

He said, "Yes, my labors met with success. Thrym, the lord of giants, has your hammer; but no one can win Mjolnir from him, unless he gets to have fair Freya as a bride."

Forthwith they rushed to find fair Freya. "Dress yourself in bridal linen," said Thor. "You and I are on our way to the world of giants."

At this Freya foamed with rage. The halls of Asgard shook with her anger. The necklace of the Brisings broke apart. "You may call me man-crazy, if I go with you to Jotunheim," she said.

Straight away all the gods and goddesses gathered to discuss how they could recover Thor's hammer.

"Let us dress Thor in bridal linen," a wise man said, "and let her wear the necklace of the Brisings. Tie housewife's keys about her waist, and pin bridal jewels upon her breast. Let her wear proper women's clothes, with a dainty hood on her head."

The Thunderer, mightiest of gods, replied, "The Avengers will tell me to woman up if I put on bridal linen. Especially Carol. What will she think of me?"

But, much to her surprise, the Avengers were totally fine with that. The Captain of Marvels, she said, "Been there. Done that. No worries." So all the women of MARVEL joined in the operation, dressed Thor in bridal linen, tied the necklace of Brisings around her neck and housewife's keys about her waist. They pinned bridal jewels upon her breast, and dressed her in proper women's clothes, with a dainty hood on her head. They all wished her godspeed.

Forthwith the goats were driven home to be harnessed. The mountains trembled, and the earth burned with fire as our heroine rode to Jotunheim.

Thrym, the lord of giants, said to his kin, "Stand up, you Jotuns, and put straw on the benches. They are bringing fair Freya, daughter of Njord from Noatun, to be my bride. I have golden-horned cattle grazing in my yard. They are pure-black oxen, a joy to giants. I have treasures aplenty and rule over great riches. Freya is the only thing that I lack."

Day soon became evening, and ale was brought to the giants' table. There Thor ate an ox and eight whole salmons, in addition to all the dainties that were served to the women. Furthermore, she drank three measures of mead.

Thrym, the lord of giants, said, "Have you ever seen a bride eat and drink so heartily?"

The maid-servant wisely answered thus:"Freya was so eager to come to Jotunheim that she has eaten nothing for eight nights."

Thrym stooped beneath his bride's veil, wanting to kiss her, then jumped back the whole length of the hall. "Why are Freya's eyes so fearful?" he said. "I think that fire is flaming from her eyes."

The maid-servant wisely answered the giant thus: "Freyja was so eager to come to Jotunheim that she has not slept for eight nights."

Then a poor sister of one of the giants came in and dared to beg a gift from the bride. "If you want my love and friendship then give me the gold rings from your fingers," she said.

Then Thrym, the lord of giants, said, "Bring me the hammer to bless the bride. Lay Mjolnir on the maiden's lap, let the two of us thus be hallowed in the name of Vor, goddess of vows!"

When Thor saw the hammer, her heart laughed within her, and she took courage. She first slew Thrym, the lord of giants, then she crushed all the giant's kin. Finally she slew the old giantess who had begged for a bridal gift. Instead of coins she got the crack of the hammer. Instead of rings she received the mark of Mjolnir.

Thus Thor won back her hammer.

* * *

**"Really?"** asked the author.

"Yes, it's what actually happened." replied Jane Foster. "Suck it George R.R. Martin, I have my own cursed wedding."


End file.
